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Tempus
Owe's Zed Money for Hosting :P
Joined: 07 Aug 2002
Posts: 1582
Game Trophies: 3
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 Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 5:10 pm Post subject: Funny Star trek/windows stuff |
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This was on another site.
| Quote: | Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access
their command pathways?"
Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through
our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
(Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.)
Riker: (looks puzzled.) "What the hell is `Microsoft'?"
Data: (turns to answer.) "Allow me to explain. We will send this program,
for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once
inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at
an unstoppable rate."
Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
Data: "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a new
version of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources increases
exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt
quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken
over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."
Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable
geometric shape' idea."
. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
Data: "Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the Borg's
command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available
resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected
`upgrade'."
Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU
capacity, but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to compensate for
their increase."
Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
something we have missed."
Data: "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the `upgrade'.
Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending
in their registration cards."
Riker: "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F ...."
Geordi: (excited) "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped
to 0% !"
Picard: "Data, what does your scanners show?"
Data: (studying displays) "Appearently the Borg have found the internal
`Windows' module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all available CPU
capacity."
Picard: "Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce their
functionality."
. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
Riker: "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"
Geordi: "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate
for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully
increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to
transmit more `Windows' modules from something called the `Microsoft
Fun-pack'.
Picard: "How much time will that buy us?"
Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time
span of 6 more hours."
Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
Picard: "Identify."
Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'
logo..."
(Over the speakers "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP
_MONOPOLY_. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS
SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10
SECONDS TO COMPLY."
Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."
Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"
Riker: "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward
the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the
tortures of deep space?!"
Data: "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer
I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by
twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani
suits."
Riker and Picard: (together - horrified) "Lawyers!!"
Geordi: "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling
into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
Data: "True, but appearently some must have survived."
Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all
types of papers."
Data: "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as `red tape'. It
often proves fatal."
Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
Picard: "Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the Borg
doesnt deserve such a gruesome death!" |
This one about bill gates is funny.
| Quote: | The real name of "the" Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III.
Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where "III" means the
order of third (3rd.) By converting the letters of his current
name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the
follow ing:
B 66
I 73
L 76
L 76
G 71
A 65
T 84
E 69
S 83
I 1
I 1
I 1
--------------
666 !!!
Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?"
Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and
total enslavement??? Before you decide, consider the following:
M S - D O S 6 . 2 1
77+83+45+68+79+83+32+54+46+50+49 = 666
W I N D O W S 9 5
87+73+78+68+79+87+83+57+53+1 = 666
Coincidence? You decide... |
| Quote: | No, Windows is not a virus.
Here's what viruses do: They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus.
sigh.
It's a bug. |
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roba
Angelina's Man
Joined: 14 Apr 2002
Posts: 3240
Game Trophies: 2
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
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| Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 5:53 pm Post subject: |
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LMAO  poor Borg.... 
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LeeBe
UT Celebrity
Joined: 28 Apr 2002
Posts: 2170
Game Trophies: 2
Location: North East England
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| Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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hahaha they shoulda thought of that one
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ipot
Spam Please!
Joined: 14 Nov 2002
Posts: 149
Location: home
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| Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 10:21 am Post subject: |
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MUAAAHAAAAHAAAAAA....
dont ya just love your OS....
But if you're mad for your Linux - WHACK the TUX!!http://laget.kicks-ass.net/pingvin
_________________
REALITY is the leading cause of STRESS
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Tempus
Owe's Zed Money for Hosting :P
Joined: 07 Aug 2002
Posts: 1582
Game Trophies: 3
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| Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 2:46 pm Post subject: |
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LoL thats great.
586.4 was my distance 
woah i just beat that- 761.8
smashed it again
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roba
Angelina's Man
Joined: 14 Apr 2002
Posts: 3240
Game Trophies: 2
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
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| Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 3:08 pm Post subject: |
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yay.... but its some modded version, it wasnt possible in original to get that high scores...
| Description: |
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| Filesize: |
6.84 KB |
| Viewed: |
10901 Time(s) |
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Tempus
Owe's Zed Money for Hosting :P
Joined: 07 Aug 2002
Posts: 1582
Game Trophies: 3
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| Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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| lets try shortest distance, 0 doesnt count, too easy lol
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HySoBe
Spammer :P
Joined: 01 Aug 2003
Posts: 164
Location: uk,hastings
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| Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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i had to magnify it coz oonly aloud 70kb on my uploader 
but its just a lil free one
and me pingo went for some good flying lessons at the same time to
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not-zed
Guest
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| Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:08 pm Post subject: |
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there ya go
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not-zed
Guest
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| Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 10:28 pm Post subject: |
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am i blind or is the attachment feature gone?
either way :
edit: nevermind, it is only for the picture forums. Don't mind me, carry on.
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roba
Angelina's Man
Joined: 14 Apr 2002
Posts: 3240
Game Trophies: 2
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
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| Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 1:16 am Post subject: |
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You should be able to post attachment everywhere...  you dont have "Add an Attachment" part in Post a reply window? I know Master told me he dont have it too, maybe its some bug?
lol i cant make it lower than 56....damn penguin
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not-zed
Guest
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| Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 1:57 am Post subject: |
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nope it wasn't in there.
I changed it in the forum permissions though. It was set to MOD only, it is now registered users for the general forum.
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roba
Angelina's Man
Joined: 14 Apr 2002
Posts: 3240
Game Trophies: 2
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
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| Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 3:06 am Post subject: |
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| Aaahhh. lol me dumb.
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MidNight
Spammer :P
Joined: 02 Jun 2002
Posts: 271
Location: UK stafford
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| Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 4:27 am Post subject: |
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| thats my score
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roba
Angelina's Man
Joined: 14 Apr 2002
Posts: 3240
Game Trophies: 2
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
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| Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 11:30 am Post subject: |
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| Looks likeits maximum, coz Zed has same score..
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